Because boy you still look pretty

When you're putting the damage on

Let's get along

Please comment to be added.

 ramblings include:
cooking school tales
hair dilemmas
love of classical music and film scores
life's daily quirks

It has come to this
I feel as though it is time for me to make this journal friends-only. After many years of having 95% of my entries public, I feel my paranoia is too high and my entries too "deep and revealing" these days to continue this trend.

I won't be friends-locking ALL of my previous posts (all 4 or 5 years? Bleh, no thanks! Or maybe not? I don't know yet), but I will be friends-locking all future posts. And maybe some previous posts that I do not wish to show the public anymore.

I have added some of those who added me way back when, ps.

Oh, and, NEW ICONS WHEEE. It's bad, but I reeeeally want to see "Tristan and Isolde". Wagner might be rolling over in his grave, but the pretty is too much for me to resist.

So yeah, welcome to my friends-only world. :)

Oh dear!
Tagged by abortiondreams

List ten things (in no particular order) that make you happy and then send to 5-10 other people:

1. A really intense gym session.
2. Weather going from coldish to really warm so that I'm able to wear tank tops without a jacket.
3. Bonding with people you rarely talk to (or live with but don't have much interaction usually).
4. Finding a new angle to a piece I am interpreting.
5. Domaine Forget. Just that place. And the people.
6. Making out.
7. A really good glass of wine.
8. Having your crush be reciprocated.
9. Listening to one good song on loops for days.
10. The feeling of accomplishment after finally understanding a difficult concept from class.

I tag... um...


I know Queen's Symphony Orchestra isn't the best orchestra in the world, but when you say it sucks it's like telling me that I suck as a cellist. And don't go and try to make things better by complimenting my playing when you've never even heard me play before. I take insults like that personally because I have an attachment to my little orchestra. We have fun, and we're getting better. Cello section this year is so hardcore. We have sectionals coming out of the ying yang and the players actually play in tune.

I support your little ensemble because you're my friend and I give anything you do a chance. I may not think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread but I always manage to find something good to say. I suggest you do the same or shut up.

*fumes a little more*

Ok, ok, so I figured it out. I know I can play the cello. I know I can. I can sight read hard concertos (not perfectly, but I can squeak through them. And you know what? I'm going to give myself a break - I added it up, and I've only been playing for 3.5 years, in my 4th at the moment. June 2006 will mark my 4th year of playing the cello. Not to sound big headed but I feel I've done a damn good job for only playing for such a short period - I got into music at university (granted, it's not the best program in the world, but hey, it's a music school), I was accepted to a prestigious music camp this summer and I'm playing freaking concertos. Most people who have been playing as long as me are still playing happy birthday and twinkle twinkle. I played "Kol Nidrei", not an easy feat, and one of the really good cellists at Domaine Forget was all "I didn't get to play that until my 9th year of playing".

Now that I've realized how far I've come and therefore I feel more confident, how come I get nervous not only when I play solo, but even when it's just a trio coaching? Hrmph.

Maybe Johanne can tell me on Saturday. Yay, Montreal this weekend!

Le tired
Holy jesus, I am so freaking tired. I haven't slept very well for the past 2 weeks. It doesn't help that I go to bed at, like, midnight or 1am (ok, that's nothing for some, but I'm someone that if they don't get the required 8 hours I'll be dead) every night and then waking up at, like, 7 or 8 am.

My last post was all al;eriuwpoerupwourpoweu about ear training. I'm happy to say that it's getting a little better. I have my "midterm" on December 1st, so I'm going to prepare for that like nobody's business. I'm going to do some sight singing before bed.

My weekend wasn't overly exciting as I was working my ass off to do well on my Baroque History test, which I had today. My only social events over the weekend was sitting around and chilling with my house, Hernie's mom and Laura's friend Dave. Saturday I saw (and met, again!) Sarah Slean with Britta and Claire, which was a much needed thing. I needed to get out of the house for a bit and rejoin society. The concert was fabulous. Just Sarah Slean and her piano. She had this new hair colour that was really nice - brownish blonde. She is one hell of a gorgeous woman but jesus, she could fit into one of my pant legs. She's little. I got a picture with her, it's great. I also bought a poster, "Universe" and "Blue Parade". Good times. Went out for a few drinks afterwards and have decided that "My Bar" has severely watered down drinks. It was like drinking expensive milk and juice. Hmmm.

Other than that, my weekend was studying. The test went very well for the most part, but since it's Marvin, one doesn't really know. Her tests are impossible to finish, and I barely answered the last question just because we had never done a comparison of French and German dances. I feel I've learned a great deal though. I feel like a wealth of knowledge at the moment. But now I feel like I do after exams - all that studying, do the test, and then nothing. But that's not true, I have to do my paper hardcore, but tonight, I'm taking it easy. My brain needs a break.

I also need to do my paper hardcore because I'm going to Montreal this weekend! Whee! Not only do I get to see Alex, but I'm having a lesson with my Montreal teacher, Johanne Perron, as I really miss learning stuff, and I feel like Wolf hasn't taught me much at all this term, and it doesn't help that he's away right now.

In other news, I was looking through some Domaine Forget photos on a friends facebook and I came across one of me when my hair was all bleached from the sun and I really miss that colour so I feel next dye job will be a golden caramel colour. Whee.

Just not having a very good day so far. I feel like I'm getting sick (again, wtf? I never get sick) and Ear Traning went horrifically terrible today. I went from rocking it to not getting it at all. I hate syncopation. So, for the first time, I'm skipping orchestra. I have to lead section on Wednesday, but I can't even play today. My focus is not even there. I practiced for what? 30 minutes? Even that was a lot, and I broke out into this cold sweat. Balls. I can't afford to get sick - I have too much on my plate. I'm just too frustrated with music sometimes. I love it, but sometimes I don't know if I want to do it anymore. Maybe I'm just having a moment with myself and need to let it pass.

I think I'll take a nap.

Time for an update
I have so much to divulge. So much has happened. Goodness.

First I'll start with the masterclass that happened on the 28th - that was probably the most influential and best thing to have happened to me. Shauna Rolston was just so nice that I wasn't overly nervous. I mean, I played ok, I definitely know I fucked up some shifts. But what she said was so helpful. She was all "I know what you're trying to say, but the way you've positioned yourself makes you boxed in and unable to express properly" so she basically re-arranged my body and how I hold my cello. I also changed my bow grip for the millionth time. There was a video made as the teachers couldn't be there, and hopefully I can get a copy. Laura took notes for me, but I would like to see a visual again. But so far the new position rocks and Wolf is really accepting of the stuff I'm trying out. The masterclass itself was not as stressful as I had imagined. The audience does melt away and you don't care that you're being critiqued in public. I wish I could have the same feeling when I perform. :(

Next on the agenda is Monday. My birthday. Which starts out ok, but I'm all nervous because of the whole hot!frosh/facebook/in a relationship deelio. The day goes pretty well. I have a good lesson, but I've got so much to work on, and Wolf is gone for 2 weeks, and wants a lot pretty much performance ready. :| Anyway, I'm dressed as Alias and only about 2 people get it. Everyone else is like 'wtf?', but that's ok, I had fun going to Mac Corry cafeteria to get lunch and have people be all :O. Scaring people is such a thrill. :P

Righto, so composition rolls around and I'm peeing my pants because the time of truth is about to arrive. So he comes, and he's looking gorgeous, of course.. He straightened his hair, wore eyeliner and these little horns. And of course he's being all nice and shit. He got my e-mails, but he didn't reply because he hasn't checked his e-mail in a week. I am a stalker. Anyway, so in class he's all "oh happy birthday, by the way!" and I'm all "you're just saying that because you saw it in my agenda!" and he says "no no, I remembered that you said that your birthday is on Halloween, pinky swear!" and we pinky sweared and had a little moment. I got a little excited, but still knew that something was up. So class goes on, and then our prof gives us back our compositions and hot!frosh is all "see you later! got to go! happy birthday" and in my mind I'm all "oh no you didn't" and I run after him like mad, screaming "Andrew!".

So, I ask him what's up. And he says he's seeing someone at the moment (note keywords... at...the...MOMENT... I still feel there is hope) but he would still really like to hang out sometime. So I pretend to be all nonchalant and cool about it by inviting him to my birthday party, and he's all excited and saying thanks and re-iterating that he would still love to hang out sometime, and he was just making it so hard for me to be mad and get over him. He's just so nice that way. Bah. So I call my mother and fume. But then I think, wait, he never disclosed the gender of this person he is seeing (he is bi as well).

Well, wouldn't you know it? He's seeing a guy! Now I can't be all petty if it were a girl and say that she's fugly and I'll beat her up. :( I can't compete with a penis, yo. I just can't.

So friday, my birthday party, rolls around and I'm dressed as a hobbit and it's awesome and I have sort of gotten over hot!frosh, but I was still disappointed, as he never came. I was ridiculously drunk as there are fuzzy patches in my memory, and that NEVER happens. Note to self: do not start your night of drinking with shots of tequilla, it leads to memory loss. But so many people came, and Sarah Edwards came - small world, as she lives with someone I know in music. The Elmwood connection never leaves you. I got kissed on the cheek by many a boy and got "birthday humps" from Dane. What a character.

And Saturday, yesterday, was music semi. I was feeling alright despite my wild night. I went out for Thai food with Logan, Jun (Logan's boy), Tyler and Jun's friend Maria, and the freaking food gave me nasty indigestion. I wanted to die because I was so pumped to go to music semi but I felt like ass. Jun, a life-sci major, knows about acupuncture stuff so he was poking around on my spine trying to see where it hurt, and it hurt in the indigestion area (that's how he figured out why I felt like ass) so he massaged that for a bit because apparently that helps. That boy is a godsend because I felt so much better and got pumped to go out. I felt very awesome in my dress and crazy hair. I didn't drink much as my stomach was still kind of iffy, but I realize that sober people fun and acting drunk is much more fun. I had a blast. I danced with my frosh, "bonded" with some music people I don't talk to much and got my groove on. It was such a wonderful atmosphere. And I had my first legal drinks at a bar! Woo!

I slept like a baby that night. But I had a dream where hot!frosh was all "I made a mistake, I really want to be with you, I was only with that guy because I thought he was cute, but you're the one I want". And everything was perfect, and then I woke up.

Oh boys, you tell me that you like me and have a for awhile, you kiss me like you mean it, and then tell other people that you hope something comes of it, and then you go off with someone else and are all lovey dovey just after a week of "dating".

You confuse me. But that's ok, I don't really have a lot of time for you at the moment anyway.

ETA: I was informed by Erica, principle cellist, last night that I have to lead orchestra on Wednesday. :| Which means I have to learn her solo from Capriccio Espanol... a little nervous!

Wheee TV
Argh, what a terrible night for me to procrastinate! I definitely have a theory midterm this week and a keyboard harmony test tomorrow. But what did I do instead? Watch the season premier of "Nip/Tuck". God I missed that show. Julian McMahon is so divine. The opening had me pee my pants in worry, but all is resolved.

And to slightly elaborate on last night's post, Jenn is continually single. No chance of love this time around. But again, more on that later. I am Le Tired and seriously need sleep.

Oh, and "House" tonight? What a great episode. I <3333 TV so much sometimes.

*le sigh*
The course of true love never did run smooth.

More on this later. Now? Felicity, theory, and going to bars (LEGALLY, WOOT) with Logan.


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