- November 6th, 2005
I have so much to divulge. So much has happened. Goodness.
First I'll start with the masterclass that happened on the 28th - that was probably the most influential and best thing to have happened to me. Shauna Rolston was just so nice that I wasn't overly nervous. I mean, I played ok, I definitely know I fucked up some shifts. But what she said was so helpful. She was all "I know what you're trying to say, but the way you've positioned yourself makes you boxed in and unable to express properly" so she basically re-arranged my body and how I hold my cello. I also changed my bow grip for the millionth time. There was a video made as the teachers couldn't be there, and hopefully I can get a copy. Laura took notes for me, but I would like to see a visual again. But so far the new position rocks and Wolf is really accepting of the stuff I'm trying out. The masterclass itself was not as stressful as I had imagined. The audience does melt away and you don't care that you're being critiqued in public. I wish I could have the same feeling when I perform. :(
Next on the agenda is Monday. My birthday. Which starts out ok, but I'm all nervous because of the whole hot!frosh/facebook/in a relationship deelio. The day goes pretty well. I have a good lesson, but I've got so much to work on, and Wolf is gone for 2 weeks, and wants a lot pretty much performance ready. :| Anyway, I'm dressed as Alias and only about 2 people get it. Everyone else is like 'wtf?', but that's ok, I had fun going to Mac Corry cafeteria to get lunch and have people be all :O. Scaring people is such a thrill. :P
Righto, so composition rolls around and I'm peeing my pants because the time of truth is about to arrive. So he comes, and he's looking gorgeous, of course.. He straightened his hair, wore eyeliner and these little horns. And of course he's being all nice and shit. He got my e-mails, but he didn't reply because he hasn't checked his e-mail in a week. I am a stalker. Anyway, so in class he's all "oh happy birthday, by the way!" and I'm all "you're just saying that because you saw it in my agenda!" and he says "no no, I remembered that you said that your birthday is on Halloween, pinky swear!" and we pinky sweared and had a little moment. I got a little excited, but still knew that something was up. So class goes on, and then our prof gives us back our compositions and hot!frosh is all "see you later! got to go! happy birthday" and in my mind I'm all "oh no you didn't" and I run after him like mad, screaming "Andrew!".
So, I ask him what's up. And he says he's seeing someone at the moment (note keywords... at...the...MOMENT... I still feel there is hope) but he would still really like to hang out sometime. So I pretend to be all nonchalant and cool about it by inviting him to my birthday party, and he's all excited and saying thanks and re-iterating that he would still love to hang out sometime, and he was just making it so hard for me to be mad and get over him. He's just so nice that way. Bah. So I call my mother and fume. But then I think, wait, he never disclosed the gender of this person he is seeing (he is bi as well).
Well, wouldn't you know it? He's seeing a guy! Now I can't be all petty if it were a girl and say that she's fugly and I'll beat her up. :( I can't compete with a penis, yo. I just can't.
So friday, my birthday party, rolls around and I'm dressed as a hobbit and it's awesome and I have sort of gotten over hot!frosh, but I was still disappointed, as he never came. I was ridiculously drunk as there are fuzzy patches in my memory, and that NEVER happens. Note to self: do not start your night of drinking with shots of tequilla, it leads to memory loss. But so many people came, and Sarah Edwards came - small world, as she lives with someone I know in music. The Elmwood connection never leaves you. I got kissed on the cheek by many a boy and got "birthday humps" from Dane. What a character.
And Saturday, yesterday, was music semi. I was feeling alright despite my wild night. I went out for Thai food with Logan, Jun (Logan's boy), Tyler and Jun's friend Maria, and the freaking food gave me nasty indigestion. I wanted to die because I was so pumped to go to music semi but I felt like ass. Jun, a life-sci major, knows about acupuncture stuff so he was poking around on my spine trying to see where it hurt, and it hurt in the indigestion area (that's how he figured out why I felt like ass) so he massaged that for a bit because apparently that helps. That boy is a godsend because I felt so much better and got pumped to go out. I felt very awesome in my dress and crazy hair. I didn't drink much as my stomach was still kind of iffy, but I realize that sober people fun and acting drunk is much more fun. I had a blast. I danced with my frosh, "bonded" with some music people I don't talk to much and got my groove on. It was such a wonderful atmosphere. And I had my first legal drinks at a bar! Woo!
I slept like a baby that night. But I had a dream where hot!frosh was all "I made a mistake, I really want to be with you, I was only with that guy because I thought he was cute, but you're the one I want". And everything was perfect, and then I woke up.
Oh boys, you tell me that you like me and have a for awhile, you kiss me like you mean it, and then tell other people that you hope something comes of it, and then you go off with someone else and are all lovey dovey just after a week of "dating".
You confuse me. But that's ok, I don't really have a lot of time for you at the moment anyway.
ETA: I was informed by Erica, principle cellist, last night that I have to lead orchestra on Wednesday. :| Which means I have to learn her solo from Capriccio Espanol... a little nervous!